Make Friends, Not Contacts

Lately I have had several opportunities to attend networking events. Whether in the form of a mixer, tweetup or conference it has always been in my best interest to attend. These events give me the opportunity to interact with professionals in the field while meeting new people and gaining useful advice.

But I hate the concept of networking events. The stigma of going to an event with the sole purpose of trying to get a handout from a stranger irritates me. It’s like asking a complete stranger to give you a job. As a person who stands behind the idea of building long-lasting relationships, this method of meeting people is not valuable.

The connotation of “networking” makes me cringe. Instead of going to networking events to make contacts that will propel your future, why not make friends? Instead of trying to get a handout, try to meet people for the sake of getting to know the person, not their profession.

Personal vs. Professional

At networking events, I make the atmosphere as social as possible. Thinking you’re in a room with all your friends helps to ease the tension. Here are some ideas I keep in mind while speaking with professionals:

Get to know a person before the professional

Your friends are more willing to give you a contact or lead about a job. So why would you expect someone you just met to do the same thing? Make a legitimate effort to understand their personality. Professionals may have more experience, but they have personal lives too. Learn about their dreams, goals, families and discover your similar interests.

Make a personal connection, not a professional contact

It’s OK to have a conversation with a professional without an end result in mind. Don’t worry about landing a job or internship. Make a successful connection with a person based on your personality. Don’t focus on making another “contact.” At the least you’ve made an acquaintance, hopefully a friend.

Don’t start off with your career goals

Since you aren’t asking for a handout don’t be the person at the mixer spitting out the same elevator speech to every professional you meet. Don’t ramble about the industry. Showing your knowledge and speaking intelligently will take you farther than “what I wish to accomplish after graduation.”

So what does the term contact really mean?

You just met a great person and they happen to have your dream job. Naturally you want to know how they got it and what you can do to follow in their footsteps. Hopefully, you’ve exchanged contact information, not just business cards, and now you are ready to follow up with a phone call or e-mail. So what do you say or write?

This seems obvious, but a lot of people still don’t do it right. Keep the e-mail or phone call in the same realm as the ideas mentioned earlier. Remember, friends are more willing to assist you than a stranger, so help them help you. Instead of seeking out an internship position, continue to build your relationship. Go out to lunch or grab coffee; learn what makes them tick. Once you understand the person, hopefully you’ll develop a mentor and friend that is eager to help you achieve your professional goals.

Instead of making contacts, make friends. Create personal connections rather than professional ones by leaving a lasting impression. Worst comes to worst, you don’t have that job you wanted right out of college. But know you have tons of friends in the field who should be willing to help a fellow friend.