Patrick Johnson » Post Without a Title

Post Without a Title

I’ve met countless people through social networks; all for the betterment of my life and theirs. But there is one connection that stings. It hurts a lot more than one would think, thanks to social media.

It happened in the summer of 2009. I was at a friend’s house sitting on his couch. I noticed I had a friend request on Facebook…

It was my father. This was the first time in my life I’d ever made a connection with him.

A lot of people would find this as groundbreaking; social networks connecting long lost family members and rekindling the values of family relationships. Well, I say to hell with that. I went through a full range of emotions, and the occasional humor cover-up.

Why does it suck? I wasn’t looking for the movie themed reunion, but I would have loved a traditional letter, phone call, or the best, meeting him in person. Facebook basically ripped the reunion to pieces. Throughout most of our messages I couldn’t feel emotions from him or myself. The messages were cold and lifeless.

I’m still dealing. It’s tough, I’m talking to my REAL dad, I’ve never heard his voice and as a kid I’ve only seen one picture. I feel like I’m talking to a complete stranger. I have the opportunity to meet him since he lives around Boston, but I feel like Facebook stole my curiosity.

I’ve never valued face-to-face interactions more than I do now. My story is one that no one should experience. The feeling of a handshake, hug, or kiss is something that shouldn’t be replaced by emoticons and acronyms.

If my interaction could have been reversed, I think the foundation of our still-growing relationship would be a lot stronger, not one that I question.

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Rianna

Carlee and I were at TEDxRTP a while ago and this EXACT same thing happend to the Emcee there of the event (who was in his 30s). He shared his experience with us and it was very moving. He felt the same way about the face to face interaction. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone even though I have no idea how this must feel.

On that note, I totally agree about face to face interactions. I love SM, it has really opened my networks and allowed me to meet so many cool people (aka: you) but there is NO substitute for a good hug, handshake or eye-to-eye connection. Essentially, I see personal relationship created with SM as a way to get to the good stuff of person to person interactions.

Thanks for being so open.

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Patrick

Thanks for reading!!! I agree. It can open channels but should never be a subtitute for the real thing.

Lanette

I have no idea how something this personal would feel. Thank you for sharing it.

I thought it was awkward and disrespectful to find an old school friend and ask how her Mom was doing only to find out she'd died in a very impersonal way. I wonder when funerals are going to be web casted instead of held in person. Right now, online weddings in games are being attended by others. Surgeries web casted. I wonder when births themselves will be spectator events. Facebook notification indeed.

None of the friends I re-connected with on facebook have I met up with in person. I can't seem to break through the virtual part to actually both meet up. It's so easy to send a facebook message and so much riskier to go in person, and it takes more effort. I think I'm going to have to be the one to push through the fear and make the plans happen, or not? Maybe they don't want to be contacted in person or in facebook? One of my friends for years stopped by my Mom's house every so often and I was never there. Maybe I missed my window. Maybe online connection is as far as the connection is comfortable.

Thanks for the response. I hope that they never put funerals online, it would be disrespectful for the family and the person it involves. I would highly suggest trying to make connections with these people you speak to online through FB and SM. Worst comes to worst nothing happens, but at least you gave it shot. It's far better to say I tried that to regret it later. With my father, I am more than willing to meet him. Because of the situation I just feel a bit more removed from him and our feelings.

KrissyJ

I could just imagine how that must have felt. I have a cousin that has been meeting all her siblings through Facebook and she feels the same way. I know your Dad must feel guilty because your heading places and I know he sees that...AND you are going to do it with or without his support. Keep up the good work Pat!
xoxo KrissyJ!

Thanks, Kris!!! You're awesome. I feel for your cousins. It's cool that we are all connected but its through technology rather than emotions. Sort of sucks a bit.

Sydney

Patrick, this post is fantastic on many levels.

One, I'm not going to apologize to you for not growing up knowing your dad. You don't need that from me and you've obviously made it through just fine.

But that's not to say that I don't TOTALLY feel you on this whole thing. I do. On a much different level.

What you've touched on here is immensely personal, so kudos for having the courage to wrote about it. You have Lao touched on a subject that I've been DYING to write about, so thank you for another example to use.

Fact of it is, while this whole social media thing is totally awesome and keeps a roof over my head and got me out of Tampa, it totally, TOTALLY sucks too.

You see that here with your father. You deserve more than a Facebook notification. You deserve a phone call. You deserve to have the choice to decide what you want to do next IN PERSON not online.

It's affecting little things like Facebooking your friends to tell them you miss them rather than calling. It affects things like guys texting girls to ask them out instead of calling, or in a even worse scenario, breaking up and/or arguing via text. And then it can affect huge, life-changing moments like what you have here.

We were created with all of these emotions to feel them and experience them out loud, not just digitally. I love that we can write about these things but at the end of the day, I wish it were just as easy to pick up the phone and have a normal conversation.

This digital stuff is powerful. It's also making us all a bunch of cowards.

Excellent post, Patrick. Thanks for sharing. Now I'm all fired up!

Thanks for the response. Just like you as much as I love this stuff it makes me feel like a loser- sometimes. I refuse to live through a tweet, blogpost or FB notification. All of these things are supposed to compliment my reality through digital mediums. The sad thing is that its happening in the opposite. We haven't spoken on the phone yet, and I'd love to, but I'm scare and nervous, Facebook really ruined a lot of things for me.

I plan on writing more along these lines. I love SM but there is a good and bad with everything.

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